Let’s kick of first review with a a game you can take with you wherever you are. Espgaluda 2 was my very first purchase when I got my iPhone 4, since my iPhone 3G couldn’t cut it.  My initial thought was “there is no way you can port something as crazy as a bullet hell shooter to the iPhone, Cave however, was more than happy to prove me wrong. I cannot recommend this game enough, and of all the people I convinced to purchase it, the main selling point I used was “This game is surprisingly playable.”

Espgaluda 2 game play seems to involve around managing “Awakening” a power you obtain by collecting crystals that slows bullets and turns bullets into gold. You pick one of three characters that all have different shot types and different awakening strengths which I am probably not qualified to talk about and really boils down to personal preference. I prefer Asagi because I like spread shot and stronger awakening. Espgaluda 2 also boasts 2 game play modes, Arcade mode which standard Espgaluda, and iPhone mode, which is a new game type that freezes your character in place and allows you to use touch controls to cancel bullets and collect more gems to stay in awakening mode and build you score.

Graphically the game looks GREAT! It doesn’t support the iPhone 4’s retina display but I would almost say it doesn’t have to. When somethings looks this good you can just as easily live without it. The music is also top notch and really sucks you into the game and makes for a really complete experience. Espgaluda 2 also took the extra step of including open feint support which only adds to the experience with achievements and online leader boards. If I had to complain about anything it would be lack of back story in the game. It is the sequel to a game I never got my hands on, and I could be wrong, but I believe some of the characters are changing sex when I select them, and I’m not 100% sure why I need to kill so many people or why why they want me dead. A little back story would go a long away to help me understand the universe. It also seems to have a lot of little techniques and hidden things like secret hidden items (lives) that I will probably ever learn or find… but I guess that’s why my online ranking is stuck at 697, but learning and discovering the little things should be part of the experience.

Gushing aside, This game is a very solid shooter for your iPhone/iPod touch. The price of 8.99 looks a little shocking as a “cell phone game” but in the end you find it not only fair but well worth what you will get out of the title. It gets a shining recommendation in my book as a “must have iPhone game” and it makes me want Dodonpachi Resurrection even more.

I know I am supposed to be reviewing iPhone games and I know I’ve missed a few days…. But I get distracted easily, so in order to get it out of my system I’m going to declare this week CAVE WEEK. Yes Cave, the company that produces some of the best shooters ever. There is nothing particularly special about this week but there are two pieces of recent news that should make North American Cave fans drop to their knees and thank whatever god you believe in, and my excitement has finally reached megaton status.

For those of you who do not know, Do-Don-Pachi Resurrection is a port of Do-don-Pachi Dai-Fukkatsu which is the 5th and latest installment of the well known Don-Pachi series. A series that is very dear to me as Do-Don-Pachi was the first of Caves shooters I managed to get my hands on. Guwange is another (maybe) lesser known title to North American players as it never hit our shores. It was released in Japan arcades in 1999 and was a hit for hardcore gamers because of its high difficulty of play. I had a chance to play this a long time ago and while it is one of the harder shooters I’ve played, it is also one of the most gorgeous shooters on the market, it is very worthy of the patience it takes to get good at it and still holds up by today’s standards of what a shooter should be, graphically and game play wise.  Guwange on XBLA will include 2 additional modes,  Cave Festival “Blue”, and a new Arrange mode that uses dual stick control.

Since these games seem may scary to the “non-hardcore” crowd, I would like to try and convince people like me, not hardcore but above casual, that these games are not only exciting and challenging, but also very approachable. My next series of post will be reviews of all the Cave shooters that came to North America, and maybe some noteworthy imports that are worth the hefty price tag or better yet have gone down in price and are (semi)easily obtainable. Hopefully if you aren’t already excited about these two new releases you will be after reading the forthcoming posts or at least understand why others are. Up until recently it was rare to get a release from Cave in any region outside japan, and difficult/expensive to import these titles. I for one this is a sign of things to come and we will see a backlog of other titles…. who knows maybe someday soon we will be playing Muchi Muchi Pork on our iPhones.

I will begin tomorrow with the games most easily accessible to me, which are Espgaluda 2 for the iphone and Death smiles for the Xbox 360, so stay tuned.

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Boy, I really wish there was a typing tutor on my iPhone.”? I haven’t either, but someone did and decided to fill that void himself.

Alphabet Defence (v1.0) is a poor excuse for a game, The graphics are horrible, the animation is even worse and slow to boot, and the most challenge you are going to get out of this game is forcing yourself to put up with how horrible it looks for as long as possible. My personal record is feels like 3 minutes, but I am sure it is a lot less than that.  In case you are wondering why I am featuring Alphabet Defence, the answer is simple. Yes, the game is horrible, it looks horrible, it sounds horrible but it is something that no other iPhone game is… A typing tutor for your iPhone. You don’t need it, you won’t want it, but damned if it doesn’t do what it set out to do… help you increase your iPhone typing speed. So we are going to put this under “absolute shit” but with the asterisk “does something that no other iPhone game does” and it’s free, so join me in the shitfest that is Alphabet Defence and try to take it for what it is… Even though it is shit.

The Good:

• It does the one thing it sets out to do.
• It’s free
• You don’t HAVE to play it.

The Bad:

• It’s UGLY!
• The animation is horrible.
• The art is horrible.
• Playing it makes you feel bad about yourself.
• It starts off slow as molasses and I can’t stand to look at it long enough to know if it gets better.
• It take up any amount of free space on your iPhone/iPod Touch.

Overall Rating using the shit scale…

Green runny pigeon shit.

Welcome to a new segment called “I wade though crappy iPhone games and find something for you worth playing” ….. title in progress. Everyday I will post a new free iPhone game or a near free iPhone game that is either horrible as hell or brilliant as fuck. Since today is the first day I start with a brilliant game.

Wheel of Fortune Platinum (version 1.0.2) $0.99. This game is probably the most fun you and some friends are going to squeeze out of you hard earned dollar. It might require that you enjoy “The wheel”, but I do not, and I really enjoy playing with friends online in-between other activities. Wheel of Fortune Platinum has both pass and play and network play over 3G and in-game chat during network play so you always have a way to play and talk with a buddy or two. Should you not have friends, you can also network play with strangers over 3G and make friends. One downside to this is that the game is set up so that if one person leaves then the game kicks everyone out back out to the lobby, which can be a little frustrating. But meeting some good people and adding them to your friends list or just playing with friends makes this almost a non-issue. Online play is really where the game shines and I cannot stress that enough, but if you really want to play alone it has a single player mode that will allow you to play with or without computer players. Playing with computer players also allows you to skip their spinning and letter guesses to speed the game along which is a great addition. Trophies also add a lot of replay value to the game if you are a completionist.

Wheel of Fortune Platinum also has avatars to give your online self a little bit of personality. While there is nothing wrong with the avatars themselves, this where the game begins to lose points. While this doesn’t doesn’t take away from the fun you will have with the game, the game has a limited amount of “free” clothing and accessories you can give you your avatar. This is only an issue because there are 5 DLC clothing packs for $0.99 each that would be better spent on puzzle packs… There are 10 puzzle packs that are $0.99 each, but they at least expand on the game with 180 more puzzles per pack, which will be well far more worth it in the end. Unless you like spending money to play dress up… In that case I have the perfect game for you.  It also seems to be unnecessarily difficult to open the in-game chat window because of the size of the button. My fingers are relatively small and I have lost a few turns due to time outs fumbling trying to open or sometimes close the chat window. There is also a very limited character limit in the chat that is more annoying than trying to open the window itself.

Bottom line is it is Wheel of Fortune, but even not being a fan I have squeeze out at least 3 hours of game play in my spare time and I’m looking forward to a lot more. The good greatly outweighs the bad, which can easily be fixed with another patch. On that note, the game got off to a rough start, but the updates seem to have fixed all of the crashing bugs and weirdness that you might have read about, so if you were on the fence now is the time to grab it.

The good:

• Great for pick up and play quick games
• Network play over 3G and in-game chat
• It’s just a lot of fun
• Lots of puzzle pack DLC

The bad:

• Slightly janky UI
• Lots of avatar DLC

I’m not a fan of avatar packs, but I will be getting some puzzle packs… Overall ranking…….

Highly recommended

I’ve been playing a lot of Assassin’s Creed lately. Yes, Assassin’s Creed 1, not 2. I’m not rich, and I can’t buy every brand new game they throw on the shelf. I’ve had this game sitting around for some time and I decided that I should play, beat, and be finished with every single one of my old games before I even think about getting something new. Aside from being a very economical decision, I’ve actually been enjoying some of these older games immensely. But then there’s Assassin’s Creed. I’m going to beat the game and get all the achievements, but I’m not gonna enjoy it. As a matter of fact, if you want to do everything there is to do in the game, the creators have made it pretty much impossible to enjoy the game. Millions of flags to collect…in each SECTION of each town. The missions aren’t different from one another at all, not even in the prep work before the actual kill. Every single time, you have to climb up a dozen or more huge towers scattered across the specific section of town that your target resides in. Slowly scaling walls and hunting for spots your main character is willing to climb on sounds thrilling at first, I know, but after doing it 500 times, it’s really tedious. This is definitely not the most repetitive game ever, but it definitely is the most tedious game I’ve ever played. I believe the reason for this is that none of it is challenging, just time consuming. It’s not difficult to to do anything in this game. It just takes forever. If I wanted to play an easy game that eats up all my time to win, I’d play World of Warcraft.

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Let’s review and analyze the beginning and life of this site. The story of ninjagamer, as told by Tanshin. Maybe I’ll get everyone in here to add or tell their side of the story. Here goes! Everything here is true! (And yes, I know this whole story is going to be stupid.)

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First of all, let me start out by telling you that there is a new ninja jam available for download. Immediately following the completion of this jam, a guy named DJ Donkey made a remix of it.

And click here for the remix.

So recently, some shit went down. I went to seven-leven, mostly for old time’s sake. I had flashbacks of fateful milkchug runs where we encountered pirates posing as ninjas. I remembered the time We cleanly sliced off the head of one such fellow, and his head landed on the ground and watched his body shit it’s pants.

I find it weird that there remained fans even after I was away for a couple years. The fan club that they started actually evolved into some kind of seppuku cult. I crawled on the ceiling and stealthily watched a meeting they had, and some weird stuff happened… One of the guys started holding his stomach and had a weird look on his face. I then heard a noise similar to a saint bernard dog sneezing heavily, and a thick brown mass of liquid splatted onto the floor from his cult robes. He looked really embarrassed and he didn’t know what to do (who the hell would?), so he turned to run away immediately. As he turned, his left foot landed in the middle of his shit-puddle and he slipped. The way he fell looked really awkward, and his robe ended up above his waist. I guess these cult guys don’t wear underwear, because the first thing I noticed was his ball-sack drooping directly into the shit puddle. All the other cult guys looked mortified at the sight, as they should have been. There was some sort of heiarchy in the cult that I don’t understand, so since this guy was one of the leaders, he also had an underling that would try and suck up to him at any given chance. Seeing this as a moment to gain his superior’s favor, the underling lifted his robe, and squeezed out a shit of his own onto the floor. I guess he was trying to make his superior feel less embarrassed somehow. Now Diarrhea isn’t something you can just summon up on a whim, so the underling dropped a thick, sausage-link shit. To complete the mimicry, he then squatted down and nestled his nut sack on the top of his shit-link. At this point, I had seen enough and I flew out the nearest window. I’ve seen some shit in my life, but that had to be one of the worst things I’ve ever seen.

 - Tanshin